"The suffering won’t last forever. It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does." - 1 Peter 5:8-11 The Message
Five days ago, I found out that my amazing friend, my honorary big sister, was being placed into hospice after a nearly two year battle with Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer.
Did I expect this day to come when it did? No, I did not.
Would I have expected it any other time? No, I would not.
Kelsey is the strongest person that I have ever met. Even though life has been incredibly unkind to her the last few years, she still manages a poise and a grace that only true believers have amidst the flames.
I met Kelsey when I auditioned for the show she was directing, Honk Jr. (To read my blog post(s) on that experience for me, copy and paste the following link(s) into your web browser:
http://cultivategreatfulness.weebly.com/gratefulness/ida
http://cultivategreatfulness.weebly.com/gratefulness/my-turn )
I remember walking into the room nervously, as it was the first show I had ever auditioned for outside of the former theatre I was once actively involved in. In addition, since I made it into the show, it was my first musical in almost three years.
Because Kelsey and I are so close in age, our friendship became instant. We both were obsessed with Disney and little children's stories. The cast was made up of about 75% children under the age of 10 (30 kids total!) so it took a very special person, like Kelsey, to manage to make a beautiful show out of many young actors.
I had the incredibly opportunity to play the lead female part, Ida, the mother duck. I had the opportunity to memorize lines and sing by myself for the first time. In the beginning, I was so nervous because I was never given the chance until then to have a starring role. Eventually, I got over myself and when tech week came a long, it was a walk in the park just like every show I've ever done.
I never imagined that I would become super close with Kelsey. The past directorial experiences I have had were never good, as I was constantly overlooked or never felt good enough in the parts that I did perform to my fullest ability. Finally, I was enough for someone. I was so enough that I began to feel enough. The confidence I had bled into my performance, which made playing Ida all the more exhilarating and humbling. We began texting as rehearsals began, and talking about things that friends talk about. On script read-through days, Kelsey always sat next to me and we were constantly laughing about a line someone said or sang. Rehearsals were my medicine and I began to heal.
Once the show ended, Kelsey and I still kept in touch. We texted a few times a week, if not more, and went out to dinner. After that, she came back to my house and we talked for hours. Just being able to hear her story as hers and not as cancer's, I began to realize how amazing she was. She wasn't labeled by her cancer, she was labeled by how she handled it, along with the rest of life's twists and turns.
The minute I found out about Kelsey being placed into hospice, I texted everyone I knew that prayed. My church's worship team prayed for Kelsey this morning before the service. Its staff prayed for Kelsey during their weekly meeting. A prayer vigil was held at Kelsey's church. My Facebook newsfeed was overflowing with Kelsey in it. It's not just because she's very sick, it's because that she has inspired people. She has inspired so many people, it's amazing to see.
This fall marked one year since my former best friend and I stopped being friends. I had to leave my old public school due to severe anxiety and loneliness. People have hurt me and have been incredibly cruel. Honestly, I was scared to death that if I did this show, I would just wind up losing more people and being hurt even more.
That didn't happen. At all.
Somehow, in a matter of spending five amazing months with Kelsey by my side, a great deal of healing and peace have come upon my soul. I forget about all of it when I am with her. To be honest, I think she forgot about the fact she had cancer when she was with me as well. With her, I found myself again and regained a sense of feeling whole. I mean, I had and still have that opportunity with Jesus Christ to be made new, which is happening to me daily, but I think God was being extra good to me in bringing Kelsey into my life.
I don't know what the future holds here on earth for Kelsey or me. I do know this, however. No matter what happens, God always wins. He is the reason why I am somehow able to continue living my life, as my depression once reigned supreme in my heart and soul. I know that is what Kelsey would want me to do, that's what she would want all of us who know and love her to do. She wants us to live our lives.
Kelsey's legacy will never die. There are thousands of people who will be able to share her story. I vow to be one of those people. I vow to be a friend like Kelsey was and will always be to me to someone else.
I love you, Kelsey Jo. I mean this with all of my sincerity that you are the most amazing person I have ever met and will ever meet. Thanks for being my friend. -Hannah
Did I expect this day to come when it did? No, I did not.
Would I have expected it any other time? No, I would not.
Kelsey is the strongest person that I have ever met. Even though life has been incredibly unkind to her the last few years, she still manages a poise and a grace that only true believers have amidst the flames.
I met Kelsey when I auditioned for the show she was directing, Honk Jr. (To read my blog post(s) on that experience for me, copy and paste the following link(s) into your web browser:
http://cultivategreatfulness.weebly.com/gratefulness/ida
http://cultivategreatfulness.weebly.com/gratefulness/my-turn )
I remember walking into the room nervously, as it was the first show I had ever auditioned for outside of the former theatre I was once actively involved in. In addition, since I made it into the show, it was my first musical in almost three years.
Because Kelsey and I are so close in age, our friendship became instant. We both were obsessed with Disney and little children's stories. The cast was made up of about 75% children under the age of 10 (30 kids total!) so it took a very special person, like Kelsey, to manage to make a beautiful show out of many young actors.
I had the incredibly opportunity to play the lead female part, Ida, the mother duck. I had the opportunity to memorize lines and sing by myself for the first time. In the beginning, I was so nervous because I was never given the chance until then to have a starring role. Eventually, I got over myself and when tech week came a long, it was a walk in the park just like every show I've ever done.
I never imagined that I would become super close with Kelsey. The past directorial experiences I have had were never good, as I was constantly overlooked or never felt good enough in the parts that I did perform to my fullest ability. Finally, I was enough for someone. I was so enough that I began to feel enough. The confidence I had bled into my performance, which made playing Ida all the more exhilarating and humbling. We began texting as rehearsals began, and talking about things that friends talk about. On script read-through days, Kelsey always sat next to me and we were constantly laughing about a line someone said or sang. Rehearsals were my medicine and I began to heal.
Once the show ended, Kelsey and I still kept in touch. We texted a few times a week, if not more, and went out to dinner. After that, she came back to my house and we talked for hours. Just being able to hear her story as hers and not as cancer's, I began to realize how amazing she was. She wasn't labeled by her cancer, she was labeled by how she handled it, along with the rest of life's twists and turns.
The minute I found out about Kelsey being placed into hospice, I texted everyone I knew that prayed. My church's worship team prayed for Kelsey this morning before the service. Its staff prayed for Kelsey during their weekly meeting. A prayer vigil was held at Kelsey's church. My Facebook newsfeed was overflowing with Kelsey in it. It's not just because she's very sick, it's because that she has inspired people. She has inspired so many people, it's amazing to see.
This fall marked one year since my former best friend and I stopped being friends. I had to leave my old public school due to severe anxiety and loneliness. People have hurt me and have been incredibly cruel. Honestly, I was scared to death that if I did this show, I would just wind up losing more people and being hurt even more.
That didn't happen. At all.
Somehow, in a matter of spending five amazing months with Kelsey by my side, a great deal of healing and peace have come upon my soul. I forget about all of it when I am with her. To be honest, I think she forgot about the fact she had cancer when she was with me as well. With her, I found myself again and regained a sense of feeling whole. I mean, I had and still have that opportunity with Jesus Christ to be made new, which is happening to me daily, but I think God was being extra good to me in bringing Kelsey into my life.
I don't know what the future holds here on earth for Kelsey or me. I do know this, however. No matter what happens, God always wins. He is the reason why I am somehow able to continue living my life, as my depression once reigned supreme in my heart and soul. I know that is what Kelsey would want me to do, that's what she would want all of us who know and love her to do. She wants us to live our lives.
Kelsey's legacy will never die. There are thousands of people who will be able to share her story. I vow to be one of those people. I vow to be a friend like Kelsey was and will always be to me to someone else.
I love you, Kelsey Jo. I mean this with all of my sincerity that you are the most amazing person I have ever met and will ever meet. Thanks for being my friend. -Hannah