If you would have told me two months ago that I would be training for a 5K, as in, running, I would have laughed at you and told you that it was not possible.
You see, I have had such a shameful relationship with running. I have spent most of my life hating the way that I looked and struggling with my weight, so every time the fitness testing came along in gym class and we had to do the pacer or the mile, I would freak out. I was good at sit-ups and sit-ups and I was somewhat flexible from having a background in musical theatre.
Running made me feel like a failure because I didn’t know how to do it properly. I was never taught how to breathe properly while running, so I was constantly winded. From the first time I did the pacer in 4th grade, I remember wondering why I was one of the first people who quit running during the test. I thought there was something wrong with me.
I was an active kid, but once I started negatively noticing myself and the way that I looked, I became depressed. Thinking back to that time in my life is incredibly triggering for me, as I don’t know how I survived despite the disgusting way I thought of myself.
On and off, I would decide to work out and I would keep up with it for a while. But I would miss a day, and that day would turn into a week, that week turn into a month, and so on.
Just this past March, I met with my new GP. I was leaving the world of pediatrics and entering the world of adulthood and that meant new doctors, new therapists, new places of care. I had an instinct to trust this man, since he had been serving as my mother, father, and grandmother’s GP for close to twenty years. My parents warned me that he was very blunt so as someone who isn’t good with criticism, I needed to be prepared.
Boy, was that appointment the slap in the face I needed. The doctor told me that I was at risk for diabetes with my weight. I knew that I was at the heaviest weight I was in my entire life. I had clothes that I had bought over the summer and warn in the fall that no longer fit me in the winter. We had to buy new clothes because everything was so tight. I can’t tell you how many times that this has happened because I’ve gained weight, not the opposite. At 19 years old, I was my heaviest and my lowest point self-confidence wise.
He told me I needed to lose weight. I knew I did. I was exercising, I had just gotten a gym membership but I was not taking the whole process of my health properly. I was eating non-stop and my weight wasn’t going down. I knew I had to make a change. My mom got all the sugary snacks and cereals out of the house. Cereal was and still is my weakness. On late nights, I would eat five or six big bowls of really sugary cereal (Frosted Flakes, Cocoa Krispies, Special K Chocolatey Delight, etc.) and that instantly stopped when she got it out of the house. Honestly, there was a shift in the health of my family. My brother got a gym membership and goes almost everyday after school. It’s really awesome to know that he and I really care about getting healthy.
With the cutting out of a lot of the sugar and the increased exercising came beginning to count my calories again and meal prep. I liked to eat popcorn, so I got a healthier version without as much salt and butter and I honestly like it much better that I don’t even get popcorn at the movies anymore. The little changes such as those slowly helped me lose weight. My goal is to lose fifty pounds, a weight I haven’t been since middle school. I have lost thirteen pounds already and my doctor congratulated me when I had an impromptu visit due to pink eye.
So, was I running yet? No. I was doing the elliptical at the gym while eyeing the people running on the treadmills, wishing I could. It was still something, but I knew that I wanted to do it.
I finally had a reason to when a friend of mine posted on Facebook about getting a group of people together for the Color Run 5K in Akron. I took this opportunity to join them and knew that this was my chance to approach running differently. The Color Run is Saturday, May 26th and I started training for it on Friday, March 30th. The first time I ran on the treadmill, I was super stressed and nervous. I didn’t think that I could even run a mile, let alone 3.1 miles in two months!
I didn’t give up. I stayed the course and was consistent. By the 2nd of April, I had run a personal best of almost 2.40 miles on the treadmill. By April 16th, I had officially run 3.1 miles on the treadmill and I could not even believe it. My relationship with my body and with running was growing to be a more positive experience, and the sour memories of running in school are not even relevant now. I knew that I was going to have to start running on a flat surface and a road eventually since the 5K isn’t on a treadmill. On April 24th, I decided to run the indoor track on the upper level of the gym. I ran 2 miles in 52 minutes and I was so excited! I was afraid that I would be back to square one but the running habits and breathing techniques I had perfected on the treadmill followed me onto the track and on the 26th of April, exactly one month away from the Color Run, I ran 3.11 miles on the track within an hour and a half.
I then realized if I can run the track, then I can begin to run outside in my neighborhood again. I had tried doing it a couple of times and had some successes, but now was my time to get serious about running outside. The last two days, I ran outside with the same fears that I had when I started running the track. My fears were squashed when I ran 2.5 miles in 60-degree weather in under 45 minutes.
These times and distances may not be impressive to the professional or average runner, but they are for me. I have learned to love running. It is fun to run through the hidden trails in my neighborhood and to feel the different textures of the rocks, grass, and sidewalk as I run. I need to take breaks, but that’s okay. Everyone does.
I got a very good piece of advice from my neighbor who enjoys running races. She told me to run to finish. Not to get the perfect time, to finish first, to show off, but to finish. This resonated with me deeply. If I get in my head too much before the race, I will feel like a failure if I can’t run at the pace I’m used to. I realize that every run is different, and I can’t expect the same results each time. The weather, my mood, level or lack of pain, the time of day, etc. will all be different. From where I’ve been to how far I’ve come as a runner (it’s so weird to call myself a runner!) I would say is a major hallelujah. I have begun to love myself more and feel more confident in my skin. I fit in the clothes that I bought last summer again and that is the most amazing feeling, since I’m so used to having to part with clothing that I really liked once I started gaining weight again.
You see, I have had such a shameful relationship with running. I have spent most of my life hating the way that I looked and struggling with my weight, so every time the fitness testing came along in gym class and we had to do the pacer or the mile, I would freak out. I was good at sit-ups and sit-ups and I was somewhat flexible from having a background in musical theatre.
Running made me feel like a failure because I didn’t know how to do it properly. I was never taught how to breathe properly while running, so I was constantly winded. From the first time I did the pacer in 4th grade, I remember wondering why I was one of the first people who quit running during the test. I thought there was something wrong with me.
I was an active kid, but once I started negatively noticing myself and the way that I looked, I became depressed. Thinking back to that time in my life is incredibly triggering for me, as I don’t know how I survived despite the disgusting way I thought of myself.
On and off, I would decide to work out and I would keep up with it for a while. But I would miss a day, and that day would turn into a week, that week turn into a month, and so on.
Just this past March, I met with my new GP. I was leaving the world of pediatrics and entering the world of adulthood and that meant new doctors, new therapists, new places of care. I had an instinct to trust this man, since he had been serving as my mother, father, and grandmother’s GP for close to twenty years. My parents warned me that he was very blunt so as someone who isn’t good with criticism, I needed to be prepared.
Boy, was that appointment the slap in the face I needed. The doctor told me that I was at risk for diabetes with my weight. I knew that I was at the heaviest weight I was in my entire life. I had clothes that I had bought over the summer and warn in the fall that no longer fit me in the winter. We had to buy new clothes because everything was so tight. I can’t tell you how many times that this has happened because I’ve gained weight, not the opposite. At 19 years old, I was my heaviest and my lowest point self-confidence wise.
He told me I needed to lose weight. I knew I did. I was exercising, I had just gotten a gym membership but I was not taking the whole process of my health properly. I was eating non-stop and my weight wasn’t going down. I knew I had to make a change. My mom got all the sugary snacks and cereals out of the house. Cereal was and still is my weakness. On late nights, I would eat five or six big bowls of really sugary cereal (Frosted Flakes, Cocoa Krispies, Special K Chocolatey Delight, etc.) and that instantly stopped when she got it out of the house. Honestly, there was a shift in the health of my family. My brother got a gym membership and goes almost everyday after school. It’s really awesome to know that he and I really care about getting healthy.
With the cutting out of a lot of the sugar and the increased exercising came beginning to count my calories again and meal prep. I liked to eat popcorn, so I got a healthier version without as much salt and butter and I honestly like it much better that I don’t even get popcorn at the movies anymore. The little changes such as those slowly helped me lose weight. My goal is to lose fifty pounds, a weight I haven’t been since middle school. I have lost thirteen pounds already and my doctor congratulated me when I had an impromptu visit due to pink eye.
So, was I running yet? No. I was doing the elliptical at the gym while eyeing the people running on the treadmills, wishing I could. It was still something, but I knew that I wanted to do it.
I finally had a reason to when a friend of mine posted on Facebook about getting a group of people together for the Color Run 5K in Akron. I took this opportunity to join them and knew that this was my chance to approach running differently. The Color Run is Saturday, May 26th and I started training for it on Friday, March 30th. The first time I ran on the treadmill, I was super stressed and nervous. I didn’t think that I could even run a mile, let alone 3.1 miles in two months!
I didn’t give up. I stayed the course and was consistent. By the 2nd of April, I had run a personal best of almost 2.40 miles on the treadmill. By April 16th, I had officially run 3.1 miles on the treadmill and I could not even believe it. My relationship with my body and with running was growing to be a more positive experience, and the sour memories of running in school are not even relevant now. I knew that I was going to have to start running on a flat surface and a road eventually since the 5K isn’t on a treadmill. On April 24th, I decided to run the indoor track on the upper level of the gym. I ran 2 miles in 52 minutes and I was so excited! I was afraid that I would be back to square one but the running habits and breathing techniques I had perfected on the treadmill followed me onto the track and on the 26th of April, exactly one month away from the Color Run, I ran 3.11 miles on the track within an hour and a half.
I then realized if I can run the track, then I can begin to run outside in my neighborhood again. I had tried doing it a couple of times and had some successes, but now was my time to get serious about running outside. The last two days, I ran outside with the same fears that I had when I started running the track. My fears were squashed when I ran 2.5 miles in 60-degree weather in under 45 minutes.
These times and distances may not be impressive to the professional or average runner, but they are for me. I have learned to love running. It is fun to run through the hidden trails in my neighborhood and to feel the different textures of the rocks, grass, and sidewalk as I run. I need to take breaks, but that’s okay. Everyone does.
I got a very good piece of advice from my neighbor who enjoys running races. She told me to run to finish. Not to get the perfect time, to finish first, to show off, but to finish. This resonated with me deeply. If I get in my head too much before the race, I will feel like a failure if I can’t run at the pace I’m used to. I realize that every run is different, and I can’t expect the same results each time. The weather, my mood, level or lack of pain, the time of day, etc. will all be different. From where I’ve been to how far I’ve come as a runner (it’s so weird to call myself a runner!) I would say is a major hallelujah. I have begun to love myself more and feel more confident in my skin. I fit in the clothes that I bought last summer again and that is the most amazing feeling, since I’m so used to having to part with clothing that I really liked once I started gaining weight again.
“For what it’s worth... it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you’ve never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start over again.”I have always loved this quote and can finally say that I’ve lived its message. I am proud of who I am and happy to be me. It’s been a long road to get to this place, but it makes all of the struggle worth it." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.” 1 Corinthians 9:24